Handling grief during the holidays

TUCSON, Ariz. (KGUN) — The holidays can be especially difficult for those who have lost loved ones, but one Tucson man continues to find ways to honor his late husband's memory.

Gib Murray met his husband Mario Benjamin Hernandez, who goes by Ben, in 2008, and they married in 2013. Ben died in June 2023 after having many health problems.

"You know, grief just hits you in just about any place that you can think about. The sadness and the loneliness and the anger and everything else, it all just kind of comes and goes and some days something is bigger than other days, but it's always there and it's still there now," Murray said. It's different is what I say. I don't think I'll ever not be grieving for Ben."

As the holidays were approaching in 2023, Murray realized he needed support to cope with his grief — so he joined a grief support group at Tucson Medical Center (TMC) Hospice.

Murray says it was everything he needed and more.

"It gave me a place to talk with people that were going through the same thing as I've been going through and a lot of the feelings, emotions, whatever I was working through, it helped me realize that I wasn't crazy," Murray said.

Greg Dalder, lead grief counselor for TMC Hospice, says it's natural to feel sadness during the holidays and important to acknowledge those feelings when they arise.

"Giving yourself some space to sort of sit with it, to be with it, and then to say something nice to yourself. Like, hey, it's going to be OK," Dalder said.

He says he would be concerned if grief interferes with someone’s ability to work, their ability to function in their family, or interferes with maintaining important friendships.

"I would recommend that they reach out to a professional counselor. Of course, somebody could reach out to me and I'd be happy to talk with them and help them sort out kind of how they're doing and what their options might be," Dalder said.

Dalder encourages families not to shy away from remembering loved ones during celebrations.

"Sometimes very concretely, what I suggest to people, is that maybe they ask somebody in the family that they feel has the ability to do this, to maybe make a toast to the person that has died," Dalder said.

Despite his reluctance to decorate, Murray has kept Ben's beloved nutcracker collection on display throughout their home, maintaining the Christmas traditions that meant so much to his late husband.

"I don't want to get rid of them, so I'll keep these for a while," Murray said of the special decorations.

Murray continues to honor Ben's memory by maintaining their annual Christmas party at what Ben called The Casa of the Desert Gnomes.

"He always wanted to be the life of the party, he had the most beautiful smile," Murray said.

For others facing similar grief during the holidays, Murray's advice is simple: seek the support you need.

"You don't have to do anything by yourself," Murray said.

Murray keeps Ben close by wearing his rings and ashes around his neck, while their beloved dog Maximus, serves as a living reminder of their life together.

If you're interested in attending a grief support group at TMC Hospice, they meet every Saturday from 10-11 a.m.

For grief counseling, Dalder suggest to wait six to eight weeks before you begin.

There is also a Grief and Mindfulness Circle that meets twice a month. It is not a support group—rather, the circle helps participants learn about mindfulness and practice meditation. The goal is to learn how to grieve mindfully so we suffer less when experiencing loss.

This story was reported on-air by a journalist and has been converted to this platform with the assistance of AI. Our editorial team verifies all reporting on all platforms for fairness and accuracy.

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Vanessa Gongora is KGUN 9's Westside reporter.. Vanessa fell in love with storytelling by growing up in sports. She was fascinated by how sports reporters go beyond the x's & o's to tell players' stories, and how sports bring people together, inspiring Vanessa to provide the same impact as a journalist. Share your story ideas and important issues with Vanessa by emailing vanessa.gongora@kgun9.com or by connecting on Facebook, Instagram, and X.